


Draconic Hex

by chocolatedisco



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Non-Binary Kana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 16:26:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8540161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatedisco/pseuds/chocolatedisco
Summary: Kiragi goes to see Kana's punk band and finds himself unable to deal with anything.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to several bands with the word punk somewhere in the genre when I was a teenager. I can't write a coherent song to save my life. I am eminently unqualified to write this fic, but the image of Kana in a leather jacket (and Kiragi crushing super hard) won in the end. This is the first thing I've successfully written since January so it's pretty messy (what is punctuation?) but clean isn't punk so it's ok.
> 
> Heads up for: misgendering, mentions of violence/suicide, canon-typical parent issues.

The rumour said that new kid was in some kind of scary Satanic anarchist death metal band. It spread quickly, with how compelling it was -- little skipped-a-grade Kana, so cloyingly cute and earnest, up on stage growling out his desire to sacrifice the president to his dark master. The kind of double life everyone knew such a weird kid had to have all along. As much fun as everyone seemed to be having with the whole situation, Kiragi wasn't much for rumours, especially ones trying to make a transfer student's life harder. They may have only been friends in that they told each other they should be friends, but that was good enough. He ignored the hushing and glaring from the nearby gossips when he leaned across the aisle between their desks and asked, "Hey, are you in a band?

"Yep!" If it was anything to be embarrassed about, Kana's grin didn't show it, but the rumour deserved to be squashed entirely. There wasn't really any way to make the next question less accusatory, but Kiragi tried to smile through it anyway.

"Do you guys yell about sacrificing the president to the devil?"

"Uh... If we have any songs about the devil, no one's showed them to me yet." A look at the disappointed faces of the other kids in the class let Kiragi know he had successfully ruined their fun, and that was fine because their idea of fun sucked. "Do you want to come see us? We have a show on Saturday."

"Really? I can come?" He hadn't thought the situation through any further than playing spoiler.

"Sure! Um..." He pulled his backpack from underneath his desk and rummaged through it, eventually pulling out a sheet of paper and handing it to Kiragi. "You don't need to be with an adult to come to this one, but make sure it's ok with your papa anyway."

The stares of frustration had turned to a sort of jealousy, but Kiragi hardly noticed, entranced by the flier. There were a couple other names on it, but the logo of a dragon's wing poking out of a circle made the headliner even more clear: _DRACONIC HEX_. He turned his gaze back up to Kana -- the only kid who seemed able to match Kiragi's own cheerfulness -- and took a moment to wonder why he was a dragon, and what sort of hexes he was putting on people. Suddenly, he felt like he understood the intrigue of the rumour. "R-right! I'll definitely be there!"

\--

He'd offered to let his somewhat worried dad come in with him; he was the coolest, after all, and Kiragi had no worries of his father ruining his night out like the parents on TV always did. But he didn't want to listen to the noise, and apparently, their parents knew each other, so he was sure that anything Kana was allowed to go to would be safe. So he took some money just in case, and promised to call when he was ready to come home, or if he needed anything.

Once he'd made it through the line outside (without a 21+ wristband, which was disappointing not because he wanted to drink, but because he wanted to come back with one to scare his dad) he scoped out the venue; it wasn't much to look at, but there must have been at least a couple hundred people between the ones in here and those outside. Thinking of so many of them showing up to see Kana play ... He took a spot at the back of the room, he could see just fine, and he could always make his way into the slowly coalescing crowd if he felt like it.

But he never did; every song from the two opening bands just melted together, and he had to question whether the people in the crowd dancing could discern the lyrics through the relentless noise. If he was listening to music it was usually whatever his dad was listening to, so punk rock had never been on his radar. He'd only had a little time to get to know Kana, but it was difficult to imagine him like this. Did he own pants with twenty zippers on them? Would people want to dance so hard to a kid's voice?

Of course, he set his trepidations aside when the second-to-last band finished. He quickly abandoned his place at the back of the room, easily weaving his way through the mess of bodies shuffling around between sets. A perfect spot, front and center. He wasn't about to rely on good vision to get the full experience of seeing Kana live.

The wait was agonizing; everyone who came up on stage to mess around with the equipment was a tiny disappointment by virtue of not being the band. But after an eternity, three older teens walked out to excitement from the crowd and took up their instruments: a gloomy girl biting her guitar pick, a fluffy-haired boy who leaned on his bass and looked like he might fall asleep where he stood, and another boy who had one of those marshmallow Easter Peeps speared on the end of his drumstick. Once he was sure he could be seen he bit its head off and received a round of whoops and applause; Kiragi didn't think it must have tasted very good in September, but the drummer gave a smirk before eating the rest of it, so it couldn't have been that bad.

He hadn't really considered the question of what the other people in Kana's band were like, but he had no time to ponder it now because Kana wasn't far behind. For the most part, he wasn't too far off from regular Kana -- Same hair, smile, scarf, t-shirt, jeans. But Doc Martens had replaced his sneakers, his belt was twice the size and had big studs all over it, and he had a leather jacket, though it was missing the excessive spikes and safety pins; its only adornment was a patch of what looked like some kind of smiling bean with Kana's hair, sitting inside a big red heart. Some punk thing Kiragi didn't get, probably.

Again, no pondering how he might get Kana to dress like that at school. The band wasted no time in starting up the energetic riffs of their first song, the crowd began to cheer, and for a moment, Kana's eyes met Kiragi's. He gave a little wave, and Kiragi jumped and waved and cheered in response. _Just happy to be here supporting him_ , was the sort of half-assed thought he had before Kana grabbed the mic stand, took a breath, and began to sing.

The words just didn't register at first. They couldn't possibly matter, weighed against that deep, aggressive voice. It resonated throughout the room, would have even without the microphone; Kiragi imagined neighbourhood families dropping utensils in the middle of their dinners, wondering if they'd just heard some kind of dragon. "Oh," his mutter of understanding was lost in the sound. Kiragi just stared, waiting for the moment he might breathe fire, or sprout wings and soar over the crowd. Eventually he remembered that Kana was probably singing words, so he listened properly, the words so clear he understood more in a few seconds than he did in the first two sets:

_You're the only reason we're up here_  
_You're the goddamn best! We love you_  
_So show some love to each other too_  
_Give your neighbour a big fucking hug_  
_Take your time, we can wait!_

The tonal mismatch, lack of a rhyme scheme, how strange it was to hear Kana using such rude language; none of them mattered, at Kana's command Kiragi was swept clean off his feet by the giant of a person beside him, their neon green undercut glowing almost as brightly as their smile as they squeezed him tight. It probably should have felt scarier than it did, but it was Kana's request, so Kiragi complied, hugging back as strongly as he could. They laughed, more of an expression than a sound amidst the deafening music, and set Kiragi down. He looked up again to see Kana watching over the audience, and followed his gaze to the last of the stragglers still enjoying their hugs; true to his word, he waited until everyone was finished before taking up the microphone again.

_We're all together now_  
_Don't knock their teeth out in the pit_  
_Don't fuck them up in the parking lot_  
_Hugs are all we need_  
_No blood!_

"Just hugs!" the other members of the band shouted their reply in unison with the crowd.

_No blood!_

"Just hugs!" Kiragi added his own voice to the fray.

_No blood!_

**Just hugs!**

Kana let out a true roar then, a primal noise that must have shaken the very room. Kiragi's fantasies of flight and flames were fantastical but that noise seemed so real and dangerous, like he could back up his cries for non-violence with the threat of tearing your throat out if you hurt his fans. It faded out just as suddenly as it came in, though, and there was the Kana he was familiar with, pushing the beginnings of sweat-soaked hair out of his eyes and speaking in his usual octave again. "But we don't need to tell you that!"

"I haven't been forced to curse anyone in the audience for months," the guitarist said, her unsettling smile suggesting she might have still done it for fun, but the rest of the band seemed unfazed by the implication.

"So, let's play some music instead!" He became the singer again, so seamless it could have been an Olympic baton pass practiced year after year. But Kana's presence, his aura was unmistakeable. There was no one else for him to pass the baton to.

_Remember when we played pretend?_  
_I always stole the best part, sorry_  
_Knight or princess, they always bored me_  
_I just wanted to be the dragon_

_Now we've left behind the playground_  
_No more castles, no more caves_  
_Recess is for checking phones these days_  
_So why can't I move on?_  
_Why do I still want to spread my wings and fly away?_

_You say that I'm a little boy_  
_You say that one day I will be a man_  
_Well I say you can't tell me shit_  
_I just wanna be a dragon_  
_Just wanna be a dragon_  
_Doesn't matter if I can_

_I know what happens when you're not a boy_  
_Process of elimination_  
_But eliminate a girl too_  
_And what's left for me_  
_But setting fire to the city?_

_If you want bloodshed rally all your knights_  
_Say the victor gets my pile of gold_  
_But it won't do you any good_  
_So long as I breathe in, breathe out_  
_I'll find the melting point someday_

_I just wanna be a dragon_  
_Just wanna be a dragon_  
_Just watch me be a dragon_  
_I know I can_

While the people around him were energetic as ever, Kiragi couldn't help but feel unease. Not quite guilt, as it wasn't though Kana had ever said anything, or that Kiragi was the type to care about -- much less enforce -- gender norms. But he'd been part of Kana's distress all the same. Almost as if to reassure him, Kana locked eyes with him once again, another little smile, so strange with the cries of burning down cities still ringing through Kiragi's mind. He tried to mirror the expression and its sentiment all the same; no sense thinking about apologies before he could say them.

"Maybe no one else means it when they say you can be whatever you want, but we do!" Kana's upbeat little comments were usually all they said between songs; the rest of the band stayed quiet, seemingly happy to let Kana communicate for them. They had some more cheerful songs, like the one that was just a cupcake recipe:

_Transfer 1/3 of the egg whites to the batter_  
_And whisk until well combined_  
_Add the remaining egg whites_  
_And fold in gently_  
_Transfer batter into prepared muffin tins_  
_Or coffee mugs_  
_Evenly dividing the batter between the cups_

And one that Kiragi felt the pain of acutely, being terrible at fighting games:

_Stop making me play Super Smash Bros_  
_You projectile spamming asshole_  
_Yeah, just keep mashing B_  
_You projectile spamming asshole_  
_I hope your controller breaks_  
_You projectile spamming asshole_  
_I hope your Gamecube falls down a flight of stairs and explodes and burns down your house_  
_You projectile spamming asshole!_

But most of them weren't so simple and fun. It must have been a punk thing; the crowd danced through everything, even as Kana sang of giving your life over to homework:

_Go to school_  
_Do homework till you drop_

"We own you!" the band shouted their accompaniment.

_Go to college_  
_Get a useless degree (We own you!)_  
_Get a job_  
_Maybe two or three (We own you!)_  
_Don't worry, kid_  
_It'll all be over one day..._  
_When you're dead, you fucking loser_  
_You better hope your family doesn't love you_  
_The nice caskets are outside your budget_

Kiragi's annoyance at needing to finish his homework before he could go outside had never felt so depressing, but Kana stayed bright: "If you put off an assignment to come here, tell your teacher a dragon ate your homework!"

They sang for the other members of the band too; it wasn't much of a stretch to assume the song about always being too exhausted to do anything but sleep wasn't about Kana, but the ending made it all the more obvious. The bassist sang, his voice a clear imitation of who Kiragi assumed was his father, "Son, I didn't buy you a bass so you could smash your alarm clock with it."

_Well I can't level my school_  
_I can't beat you to a pulp_  
_I can't fuck up my friends_  
_I can't cave in my skull_  
_So let me have this_  
_Just let me have this_  
_Let me have five more minutes_

In spite of what was obviously a song about his violent anguish, the bassist was making the first sign of emotion Kiragi had seen from him all night, an affectionate little smirk at his singer who couldn't see it to reciprocate, though their smile probably wouldn't have changed much. Another song probably wasn't about Kana either; Kiragi knew their family was just them and their "Mama".

_Shut the fuck up, Dad_  
_I don't curse anyone who doesn't deserve it_  
_Shut the fuck up, Dad_  
_I'm not here so you can be Saizo Senior_  
_Shut the fuck up, Dad_  
_Maybe being better than you at everything is exhausting_  
_Shut the fuck up, Dad_  
_Shut your mouth and open your eyes_  
_Look at me_  
_Look at me_  
_Look at me!_

Kana's exhausted "whew!" was lost in the cheering to most everyone, but Kiragi could hear it, could see the sweat glistening on their forehead and matting down their hair; even dragons ran out of steam screaming admonishments to their friends' parents while standing under stage lights and wearing leather jackets, apparently, but they caught their breath and spoke as soon as they could be heard again, "We've got one more for you. But thanks for coming! I hope you had fun, made some friends, and feel a little better about your problems than when you came in." Kiragi wasn't quite sure about that one -- it was more like he'd taken on the band's problems. But even if he sort of felt worse, he joined in the screams of support all the same, and Kana gave them all one more grin before launching into the final song.

_Another day of kindergarten_  
_I'm first out of class, same as always_  
_I just can't wait to run into your arms_  
_Come on, Kana-bean, to the grocery store_  
_Too big to ride in the cart, I can walk on my own_  
_I get distracted by the ice cream, suddenly you're gone_  
_I can't move, I can't think, they stare when I cry_  
_But you follow the sound of my tears_  
_I'll never forget, you cry too_  
_We dry our eyes, apologize_  
_And hold hands till we're back in the car_

"WHAT HAPPENED?" the devastated roar of the band and crowd together was deafening; Kiragi felt as though he'd been disrespectful not knowing to join in.

_Can't you hear me?_  
_I don't know how much louder I can cry_  
_Can't you come home?_  
_I don't know how much longer I can be alone_  
_Can't you hold my hand?_  
_I don't want to start another shitty depressing band!_

_It's just how the world goes_  
_Work yourself to the bone_  
_Two jobs to feed the family_  
_I'm such a spoiled crybaby_

_But everything's empty when you're not there_  
_Closed captions, I can't hear the TV_  
_Try not to let the mailman see my red eyes_  
_Make dinner even though you left money for pizza_  
_Maybe one day it'll add up_  
_Maybe one day this'll stop_  
_Maybe you'll get a day off_

_Lie awake past my bedtime_  
_I'm sorry, it's wrong_  
_Just wanted to hear you come back_  
_But I'm too old for you to check on_  
_You need to go to bed too_  
_You've got a busy day tomorrow_  
_And the next day_  
_And the next week_  
_And the next month_  
_And the next year_  
_And the next our entire fucking lives!_

_Mama, I love you_  
_Mama, I'm sorry_  
_Mama, I miss you_  
_Mama, please come back_  
_Mama, I can't live alone_  
_Mama, I love you..._

Kiragi might have thought the song was over, but the moment persisted, that giant room in absolute silence save the echoes of the instruments. He could see the tears on Kana's face; that feeling that they really were so alone, even as they were totally surrounded by people there for them... Kiragi felt his own eyes watering up. Kana didn't wipe their eyes, singing the last verse just as they were, tears mixing with sweat in messy streaks that ran down their cheeks.

_To the grocery store before I go home_  
_We're out of milk, eggs, and spaghetti_  
_But I stand in front of the ice cream_  
_I can't move, I can't think, they stare when I cry_  
_But no one follows the sound of my tears_  
_No one to dry my eyes_  
_No one to hear me apologize_  
_I forget what I'm there for_  
_I don't know what I'm here for_  
_And I walk out all alone_

This was unmistakeably the end, a much shorter silence to respect the final note before the crowd erupted into cries of joy and encouragement -- Kiragi heard at least a couple shouts of "I love you Kana!" even behind his own yelling. It wasn't the energetic ending to the show he had been expecting, but it seemed right somehow. Kana beamed and waved at everyone, while the others gave smaller smiles of appreciation -- and in the drummer's case, ate a large handful of jellybeans out of a bag in his pocket. "Thanks to Death Blow and Trample!" Kana gave a shout-out to what Kiragi realized after a moment were the opening bands. "We'll come say hi outside once everything's put away! We brought cupcakes, and we've got the paint if you brought the shirts!" And with that, they took a bow before the lights went off, and they dutifully began the task of cleaning up their equipment.

Kiragi just stood there for a while, sort of looking as they tore everything down with the help of some of the venue's employees, but it wasn't as though it was interesting to watch. It just felt off to be a person who could move and do things again instead of being rooted to the spot, entranced by Draconic Hex. By Kana. How had someone so suddenly convinced him that they were as cool as his dad and made him want to bawl his eyes out for them at the same time? It was unbelievable, like he couldn't really feel what was happening.

He only broke free from the spell when someone tapped him on the shoulder -- his green-haired neighbour from earlier, looking just as tired as Kiragi did, but much happier about it. "Sorry if I scared ya earlier."

"Huh?" Kiragi needed a moment to shake off the stupor before remembering how shocked he'd been when he was plucked from the ground. "Oh! Nah, it's cool. I was surprised, that's all. Do you... usually do that kind of thing? At punk shows?"

"We aren't usually told to, if that's what you mean," they laughed. "The good bands all want us to treat each other nice, but hugs are Kana's thing. I was actually at the show where someone got hurt during their set. Everyone was scared but the band was really shook up. Next time, they opened with that song, and they never change it. So I try to make sure everyone gets into it, y'know?"

"That's... that's really awesome," Kiragi said, half to the person in front of him, half glancing back up at the stage for a moment. They didn't seem to mind his divided attention, following his gaze with a happy sigh.

"Yeah. Another reason I'm a fan. Anyway, I won't keep ya. Just wanted to say that you look pretty strong, so you can pick me up next time if you're up to it," they winked and gave his arm a pat.

"Oh yeah, I could carry one of you on each arm," he managed to smile to back up his joke, earning one more laugh from them. "Thanks a bunch."

"Good to meet ya!" They waved as they walked away from the stage, leaving Kiragi alone, save the people on the stage and a few stragglers having conversations; most of them seemed to have moved outside already, either to hang out with the band or to leave. Awareness caught up with him all at once, as he realized just how exhausted he was, his legs all cramped from staying in one place, yet his shirt soaked through with sweat as if he'd been out running through the forest all day. The air in the room was heavy, everything smelled awful, and his ears might have never worked the same way again. Everything was terrible on paper, but in reality he'd never felt so alive, especially not indoors. He took out his phone to write a message, correcting his mistakes with trembling fingers:

_hi dad! show was sooooooo cool. gonna stay and talk to kana a bit if thats ok? lemme know if u need to sleep tho lol_

**That's fine, it's not that late. Glad you had fun. I haven't been to a rock concert since before you were born, you know**

_yeah i do know u told me the same story on the way here :P don't go full old on me dad!_

**Oops, guess I was nervous**

_haha i luv u, later!_

He tucked his phone away, heartened by the familiar feeling of loving his dad, and began to walk outside. He couldn't really tell how much longer the band would take to put their things away, and it couldn't hurt to get some fresh air before speaking to Kana.

\--

Kiragi had no jacket, so anything more than a slight breeze would have chilled his shirt and set his teeth chattering, but it was a comfortable night. A handful of fans still milled about outside, chatting as they waited for the band to emerge. Most looked like teens, but there were a few Kiragi guessed were older as well. Just another reason it was hard not to get caught up in it all. The fresh air cleared his mind but all that did was bring more focus to his thoughts of how cool Kana was, the truth closer to the rumour than he'd thought but so much more -- little skipped-a-grade Kana, so cloyingly cute and earnest, up on stage roaring out the deepest anger and misery of their heart for all to hear.

Kiragi didn't know how long he'd waited, only that it was too long, but at last they emerged, Kana on tiptoes (Kiragi had completely forgotten they were so short after looking up at them for so long) as they looked through the crowd, rushing over to Kiragi as soon as they found him and pulling him further away from the other fans. "Kiragi!" They greeted him in a scratchy voice, obviously strained from the concert. "I was so happy to see you right in the front. The others can take care of the shirts for a while if you wanna talk."

Kiragi looked over Kana's shoulder, watching the band members bend down to the sidewalk to set out boxes full of spray paint, stencils, cardboard; the t-shirts some of the fans were carrying made more sense now. There were the promised cupcakes too, which the drummer started lovingly distributing to anyone who would take them. "Yeah, sure," he replied, hoping that Kana would know where to start better than he did.

"Um... You looked a little spooked. You still do, kinda," they giggled, and Kiragi tried to stop staring into Kana's headlights. "Sorry. I never know how to tell people we sound like that... I don't like using my singing voice at school."

"No, no! It's... you were..." Kiragi sighed, unused to the pressure of wanting to find a more poetic way to express himself. "Totally awesome," he eventually gave up, hoping his smile would get the feeling across. "So totally awesome. I wish you were doing another concert right now so I could go see that one too. I've never liked music this much my entire life. Amazing awesome."

"R... really? Wow," Kana mumbled, taking their turn to be startled.

"But..." he trailed off, unsure of how to press on, or if he even should with so many people close enough to eavesdrop. It felt so private, even though Kana had shared it with the entire room.

"But?"

"Your songs were so sad. Are you ok?"

"Oh! Yeah, I'm ok... Transferring schools was hard. Most people don't wanna talk to me, and I don't get to hang out with the band as much. This was our first show since I transferred, so everyone who came was super excited. But Mama got a much better job. I see her a lot more now." Kana's reassurance did a lot to calm Kiragi's worries, but it raised its own questions too.

"I could see it, though. You were crying about something that you don't even feel anymore?"

"Um... maybe it's not the same for everyone. But I think you have to let the bad out before the good can come in. So, it's ok to remember how I felt, and how it helped things change. I'm singing for other people too. I'm sure those feelings will always be important to someone." Every sentence tightened Kana's grip on Kiragi's heart; for a moment, he almost wanted to cry again. Maybe he was just too tired for more of that level of emotion.

"I'm sorry I thought you were a boy," he changed the subject. "Do you want me to call you something different at school? Like..."

"They? You don't have to. I know it's weird."

"I want to, if you want me to."

"Then... I'd like that. Thanks. I know we already said we should be friends, but we should be, like..." Kana paused, giving Kiragi a minor heart attack before they finished with enthusiasm, "Super friends!"

"Yeah, definitely! I'll try and be your number one fan too."

"Then you gotta meet Rhajat, Dwyer, and Asugi. They're really quiet on stage, but they're the best, I'd be totally useless without them. I'm no good at writing songs alone, or playing instruments. I mean, I've been trying to learn the keyboard for like a year so we can put more music in the songs, but it's way too hard."

"Yeah, I took piano lessons when I was little. My cousin Shiro was doing violin, and we had a concert together. Worst thing our parents ever heard," he laughed, even as visions of picking it up again so he could play beside Kana flitted through his mind. Definitely getting ahead of himself, but it was hard to put happy thoughts aside when Kana took his hand to pull him back towards the crowd.

"Come on, before all the cupcakes are gone!"


End file.
